The French, famed for their prowess as lovers, refer to it as ‘je ne sais quoi’. Literally translated it means ‘I don’t know what’. More commonly, it’s used to describe ‘that certain something’.

In this issue of SA Gazette, we explore those intangible qualities – far beyond facial features or body shape – that make a woman attractive.

It’s a recurring theme in many Hollywood ‘feelgood’ films: Spunky leading man dumps stunning but vacuous cheerleader/model in favor of funny, intelligent and infinitely more interesting science nerd.

While this storyline has lined the pockets of many a movie mogul, it is not merely the stuff of celluloid dreams. It’s a scenario that is also played out by fabulous nobodies in everyday life.

How often have you seen a couple in the street and asked yourself the question: “How did she end up with that gorgeous guy from adultfrinendfinder?”

The answer is probably that he fell for her not because of the way she looked but because of ‘that certain something’.

If you’re single and looking for love, the first question is usually followed by a second: “Why can’t that be me?”
The answer is that it could be.

Many women are far from what you might call ‘classically beautiful’ – they’ll never become stars of the silver screen or models on the catwalks of Paris -nevertheless they seem to radiate, to exude a kind of brooding sexuality.
Studies show that most men find self-assuredness, intelligence, happiness and humour just as sexy as a woman’s physical attributes. In other words, they are attracted to the way you ‘carry’ yourself when you’re in a social situation.

But what if you’re shy, introverted or lack confidence in yourself, particularly where men and sex are concerned? How do you project your intangible strengths and qualities?

The first rule is not to try too hard. Men can usually pick up on it when you’re trying to ‘act cool’.

Ironically, the best way to project an outwardly attractive persona is by first looking inward. A little introspection – and we stress a little – can go a long way. Carefully consider what it is that makes you you and make a list of your positive attributes. Everybody has them! They might be things like kindness, generosity, wit, intellect or some artistic or musical talent.

Focus on these attributes and believe in yourself. Don’t sit there waiting for someone else to believe in you.

More importantly, don’t become paranoid about being single. Some people think that because they are on their own it’s a sign to everyone else that no one wants to be with them. This, to be perfectly frank, is bullshit.

Just be yourself. Be positive. Be active.

If there’s a course you’ve been thinking about taking, or a project you’ve been putting off for a while, launch yourself into it with gusto. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Once you get started, your state of mind will shift from bored, depressed, anxious or frightened to happy, excited, interested and adventurous.

And, without even knowing it, you’ll be exuding ‘that certain something’.

One last piece of advice: Never underestimate the power of a smile. Remember, this is your time to shine.

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